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On River Time
I was sexually abused multiple times as a six-year-old child. As a young boy, I was confused, shameful and guilt ridden. I didn't say anything to anyone. Even as an 11 year old kid, I recalled standing at the doorway of my mom and dad's room, determined to say something, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was overcome by shame, guilt, and a fear that often comes with abuse. I bottled it up. For decades. But as an adult, I kept having the same recurring nightmare and finally got myself into counseling. For the first time, I broke down and those painful memories were finally verbalized. What people might not understand about abuse victims is that believing it wasn't your fault does not come easily or quickly; it's a process of forgiveness and self-reflection that usually happens in silence. For me, that happened on a river as I was fly fishing at age 38. I loved the serenity of fly fishing and found it to be the perfect place to talk to God. And it was on that river where He and I finally worked out all my demons. So many people go through painful experiences and don't do anything with those experiences. But God showed me that He wanted me to do something impactful with this pain. I didn’t know what that might be, so I prayed and gave it all to God. He led me to do two things...
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