HELPING PEOPLE ADDICTED TO PORN

It is devastating to find out your husband is addicted to pornography, especially when he’s in the ministry and you think you have a good marriage. We had been married 17 years, had three children and he was the worship pastor of our church when I found out that he had been secretly viewing pornography our entire marriage. And that sexual addiction had led to a string of sexual encounters. In the devastation of his exposure, I wondered what I should do. So much of my identity was in trying to be the perfect Christian, the good example, and working for people’s approval. Now my life seemed to be falling apart. Was this the end of our marriage? We immediately began meeting with a counselor and seeking recovery and restoration. I knew I still loved this man, that we had a history together, a family, a relationship, and I didn’t want to give up on that. I decided to stay and see what God had in store for us. In addition to healing us and our marriage, we found He also wanted to use our story in other ways. One night a friend called in tears, telling me that her husband had an affair, and that she just needed to talk. I felt like God’s hand was in this. He wanted us to use our experience to help others. If I can help someone by being there for them and listening, that is valuable. I don’t have to have all the answers. Hurting people need to vent; they need a loving ear. They need someone to walk them through this valley. When someone just listens, it helps the healing. Sometimes, it’s hard to feel safe asking for help, even within our churches. Many church leaders don’t feel equipped to help their people through issues like ours. We started a ministry called Awaken, to help people impacted by sexual brokenness. We seek to help through support groups, therapeutic retreats, coaching, working with ministry leaders, and giving referrals for professional help. We offer connection to a community of people going through the same struggles. We love them and listen. The problems caused by porn and sexual addiction affects marriages, families, and churches, and we have to address it. Helping people and making a difference in their lives helps us remember that what we walked through was worth it all.