“If there is a god, he will have to beg my forgiveness.” Whether or not these words were found carved into the wall of a Nazi death camp, it is certainly how I felt trudging through the jungles of Vietnam in 1966. “Why would God permit such mayhem and horror?” I was told that God was good and loving, but I found no love or goodness in the rot of war. While I remained culturally tied to Christianity after returning to the United States, I was, for all intents and purposes, an atheist. My job as a police officer only reassured me of… Read More
Recovery
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My life looked perfect. I was 19 years old, but deep down, I felt an emptiness. I suffered from depression. I felt I had no future, no meaning in life. There was a voice telling me horrible things about myself. I tried to find happiness in parties and became addicted to sex. But ten minutes of carnal desire did not give me peace. Hours later, the depression would return. Since I was a little girl, my aunts took me to church, but I never believed in God. I felt I was my own God. I didn't want to follow rules. I wanted… Read More
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At the end of a busy day in my 34th week of pregnancy, I realized I hadn’t felt my baby move. A hospital ultrasound confirmed the terrible truth: my baby girl had died. I wasn’t in the habit of praying. I did believe Jesus was my savior and had accepted Christ into my life at the age of 8. But by the time I left for college, and even after I got married and had my son, church was just a weekly ritual. Even though I believed, I just didn’t feel prayer or a relationship with God was necessary. I was… Read More
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Life happens. Relationships splinter, finances are squeezed, and pressures mount. For me, this meant consuming large amounts of alcohol. It was my valve for releasing pressure and granting momentary relief. Yet, as any addict will confess, there was never enough to fill the void. I realized I was not being true to myself, so I stumbled into AA and dedicated four years to going nearly every day. The meetings often discussed the “big book,” which outlined principles for defeating addiction. While it helped me stay sober, the emptiness remained. The “big book” reminded me of another book I’d read as a… Read More
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I was born into what looked like a solid, God-fearing home—two parents, three brothers, and church multiple times a week. My dad sometimes preached, and my mom led the nursery and sang in the choir. But behind closed doors, life was very different. My dad, who spoke of God, was also my abuser. He manipulated and confused me, framing the abuse as love. That trauma shaped my identity. I craved love, even in broken forms. By 15, I had been abused by five different men and became pregnant with my first son, Damian. I loved him deeply, but inside, I was… Read More
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I was a single parent mom who had left a domestic violence marriage. After struggling for over 25 years with alcoholism, I lost my job. My life hit rock bottom. In that moment, when everything had fallen apart, I was face down on the floor thinking I would die. My life had blown up. It was then that I surrendered my life to Christ and confessed to the Lord that I had made a terrible mess of my life. I asked Him to do something of value, His will, with my life. Finally, I was able to get sober and connect with my… Read More






