GOD REMEMBERED ME

I used to think faith was for people who needed something to hold on to. I wasn’t against God. I just didn’t feel connected to Him. Life felt safer when I stayed in control, kept my expectations low, and handled everything myself. But everything changed the moment I decided I wanted a baby.

The first time I got pregnant, I let myself hope in a way I never had before. I bought tiny socks, whispered dreams into the quiet of my room, and imagined names. For the first time in years, I believed something beautiful could finally be mine.

And then, I lost the baby.

I didn’t know how to handle the pain. I tucked the socks away, told everyone I was “fine,” and kept moving, though something in me cracked. Still, I tried again. Then again. The second pregnancy slipped away, then a third, then another. Each loss felt heavier. My body felt foreign, and I avoided baby showers, social media, even people I loved. I couldn’t explain a grief that kept repeating itself.

After the last loss, I locked myself in the bathroom and slid down the wall. I didn’t scream or pray. I just sobbed from the deepest part of me. And out of pure desperation, not faith, then I whispered, “God, if You’re real, please see me.” I didn’t expect anything. But that night, I felt something I couldn’t explain. A stillness. A gentleness. Almost like a quiet whisper saying, “I’m here.”

A few days later, a friend invited me to church. I normally would’ve said no, but I went and sat in the back. Then the pastor said, “God does not waste your tears.” That one line broke me, and I cried through the whole service.

I kept going back. My prayers were messy and unsure, but honest. I started reading the scripture and holding on to promises about healing and hope.

Months later, I saw a positive test and dropped to my knees—grateful for the baby and the God I once doubted.

And when I finally held my child against my chest, I whispered, “You remembered me.” Because I didn’t come to God because I was strong. I came because I was shattered and He made something beautiful out of the pieces.