When my former husband left me and the church to pursue what he thought to be higher truth, I could never imagine God redeeming that low point of my life and the shame that my former husband had heaped upon me. My God didn’t just bring me out of that dark place to the life I had wanted. He brought me to a life I never knew I could have asked for.
I met a man whose whole family left Cuba as refugees. They immigrated to America to worship God freely and serve Him with their whole lives; not just in secret, but as the main focal point of their lives. He and I met and were married, both having come from broken marriages.
My husband and I were ecstatic to pursue parenthood, and our whole church family stood behind us in anticipation. I became pregnant and after visiting the doctor and seeing the little apple seed on the ultrasound and hearing his heart, my own heart was filled with a million little fantasies about motherhood and raising this child. A month later, I heard the words that doctors hate to deliver. I heard the words that will stop a woman’s heart cold in her chest.
“There is no detectable heartbeat.”
With the help of IUI treatments, we became pregnant again. And again, I lost the baby. One time again after, I heard those words and felt my heart grow colder.
And then I began to truly seek God’s voice in my life. I knew that He wanted me to become a mother, but I did not know by what method. Adoption was always an option, so my husband and I began to investigate that route. The entire time we looked to adoption, I was also seeking the voice of my Father in His word, in prayer, in meditation, and in simply seeing if He would leave me any bread crumbs to find my way home to His will.
One day, in a bookstore, I saw my morning scripture meditation. Isaiah 43:1 “But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you O Israel, ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine.” I told my husband and he said to me, “What if you’re pregnant right now?”
And I was.
Without IUI treatment. Without expectation. I was pregnant.
And again, we lost another baby. But I knew. And in knowing my value, my identity, and my Father, it was only a matter of time before I was pregnant one more time.
Today, I have three beautiful daughters who don’t just know their value in my heart as miracles from God. I have three daughters who aren’t just valued by their father who dotes on them for every moment of their lives. I have three daughters who know the miraculous nature of their existences, and they know Jesus as their Lord and pursue Him with their giant miracle hearts. I am mother to three living daughters and to six children that I will see one day in the presence of my Father who has called me by name. He has called me to not be afraid.
He calls me the most beautiful name I’ve ever known. I am His.