Growing up in a physically and mentally abusive home, I often asked myself, “What’s wrong with me? Why was I born? How can I be better?” These questions lingered into adulthood. From a young age, I recognized that my mama was hurting from the abuse she endured. At nine, I learned that the man I thought was my father was actually my adoptive dad. I craved acceptance and sought love in all the wrong places, but I didn’t know how to love myself.
At 21, I married the man I thought I would be with forever, hoping for a “normal” life and the family I dreamed of. Thankfully, I was blessed with two amazing children—Jase and Jayden. They became my saving grace.
However, my relationship with their father was manipulative, and we divorced before Jase turned one. I then entered another relationship, hoping it would bring happiness, but it only led to more pain. I was the problem because I didn’t know who I was or how to love myself. This spiraled into self-medication and a destructive path.
Eventually, my ex-husband and I reconciled, thinking it was where I was meant to be, but I continued to self-medicate and felt constantly inadequate. I thought having another child would heal everything, but I failed to realize how selfish it was to bring another life into that chaos.
After two rehab stints, I reached a breaking point, holding a gun and contemplating ending it all. Then, I heard my children’s voices calling, “Mama!” In that moment, God snapped me back to reality and reminded me I was meant for life.
The third rehab at The Next Door in Nashville helped me discover my worth. I prayed and heard God say, “It’s time to go.” I followed His direction and sought legal advice. My ex filed for emergency custody, and I found myself without my children for 14 days, broken and living in a safe house.
Face down in the dirt, I surrendered fully, hearing God say, “Trust Me.” I did. My ex and I settled on joint custody, and I began living on my own with my kids every other week. Then, God brought a man into my life who showed me true love and compassion. He loved me through my imperfections and asked me to marry him.
Today, I’m loved beyond measure. Through all of life’s lessons, I’ve learned that while life isn’t perfect, it is worth living. I’ve forgiven those who wronged me, and we now share family dinners with my ex-husband, teaching our children that forgiveness and love can heal through pain.
Love yourself. Be kind to others.
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