I grew up in a very secular home, I didn’t go to church, and I never saw my parents read the Bible. I thought that if I just did whatever I wanted, without any rules or restrictions, then I would be happy. That’s what my friends did, and they seemed to be having a lot of fun.
I saw no point in God, and instead of going to church, I would go to the local tattoo shop. The money I earned went towards my tattoos, alcohol and pot.
By the time I was 22, my parents had disowned me and I was living on the streets. I could never seem to stay in a relationship for more than a few months. I craved attention from others and it never really seemed like I could fill that cup.
When I met my husband, we immediately began trying for children. When my daughter was born, so much changed. I wanted to do everything right. For once in my life, I felt like I had a reason to keep waking up in the mornings.
But we were broke, we were living in an apartment, we were jobless, and I didn’t know where to turn. I still rejected God. Instead I would find myself reading tarot cards, or trying to “manifest” my happy ending. That yearning for fulfillment never ceased. I always felt like something wasn’t quite right. I would often ask myself, “Why can’t I just be happy?” I wanted to do better for my daughter but I felt like everything I tried to do to reach spiritual happiness just ended up falling flat.
One day, the only way I can explain it, is that I “woke up.” I was sitting in the car, and I felt a compelling feeling to go to church. This feeling was tugging at my heart, but I ignored it. A week went by, and another week. But the feeling would NOT go away. It was almost like a little voice just pulling at my heart, insisting that I just try it. So I went to church.
I sat in the back. I covered my arms because I was afraid of judgement toward my appearance.
I politely listened to service and suddenly the pastor asked if anyone needed to be saved. That little voice was suddenly loud, and it PUSHED me. The pastor asked me if I would accept Jesus into my heart as my Lord, and suddenly, the tears just started flowing. I could not control my body as I wept. I could barely even answer him. I shook, and cried, and I was taken to a small pool to be baptized.
As I was coming up out of the pool, I opened my eyes and it looked like the sun was above me; there was a light so bright. It wasn’t until later that I realized there were no lights fixated above the pool.
I experienced The Holy Spirit.
I felt overwhelming relief, love, and acceptance from my church, and God has been pouring into me every single day since then. I have been saved.
Church is now something I enjoy multiple days each week with my family. My home is filled with worship, as I have turned all my playlists into something more positive and encouraging. I feel like such a weight has been lifted, and I can confidently say that I’m happy. I’m giving my daughter the life I never had.
She knows she is loved, always. And so am I.