I grew up in a very secular home, I didn’t go to church, and I never saw my parents read the Bible. I thought that if I just did whatever I wanted, without any rules or restrictions, then I would be happy. That’s what my friends did, and they seemed to be having a lot of fun.
I saw no point in God, and instead of going to church, I would go to the local tattoo shop. The money I earned went towards my tattoos, alcohol and pot.
By the time I was 22, my parents had disowned me and I was living on the streets. I could never seem to stay in a relationship for more than a few months. I craved attention from others and it never really seemed like I could fill that cup.
When I met my husband, we immediately began trying for children. When my daughter was born, so much changed. I wanted to do everything right. For once in my life, I felt like I had a reason to keep waking up in the mornings.
But we were broke, we were living in an apartment, we were jobless, and I didn’t know where to turn. I still rejected God. Instead I would find myself reading tarot cards, or trying to “manifest” my happy ending. That yearning for fulfillment never ceased. I always felt like something wasn’t quite right. I would often ask myself, “Why can’t I just be happy?” I wanted to do better for my daughter but I felt like everything I tried to do to reach spiritual happiness just ended up falling flat.
One day, the only way I can explain it, is that I “woke up.” I was sitting in the car, and I felt a compelling feeling to go to church. This feeling was tugging at my heart, but I ignored it. A week went by, and another week. But the feeling would NOT go away. It was almost like a little voice just pulling at my heart, insisting that I just try it. So I went to church.
I sat in the back. I covered my arms because I was afraid of judgement toward my appearance.
I politely listened to service and suddenly the pastor asked if anyone needed to be saved. That little voice was suddenly loud, and it PUSHED me. The pastor asked me if I would accept Jesus into my heart as my Lord, and suddenly, the tears just started flowing. I could not control my body as I wept. I could barely even answer him. I shook, and cried, and I was taken to a small pool to be baptized.
As I was coming up out of the pool, I opened my eyes and it looked like the sun was above me; there was a light so bright. It wasn’t until later that I realized there were no lights fixated above the pool.
I experienced The Holy Spirit.
I felt overwhelming relief, love, and acceptance from my church, and God has been pouring into me every single day since then. I have been saved.
Church is now something I enjoy multiple days each week with my family. My home is filled with worship, as I have turned all my playlists into something more positive and encouraging. I feel like such a weight has been lifted, and I can confidently say that I’m happy. I’m giving my daughter the life I never had.
She knows she is loved, always. And so am I.
EpiphaniaFebruary 2, 2023 at 9:18 am
It’s so amazing how the love of our Lord Jesus Christ can touch and fill out lives.May He continue to pour out His love in your life as you grow in the faith day by day
Angela U TorresFebruary 2, 2023 at 9:26 am
Thank you for sharing. What an awesome testimony! Continue to share what Jesus has done for you, our testimony is our greatest connection to him. It can change lives and allow people to see Jesus is the difference maker in this world. That we don’t have to be alone or lost and that he is that still small voice that is tugging on hearts. Blessings to you and your family, and that Jesus continues to use you for his glory!
Gay DahlFebruary 2, 2023 at 9:59 am
Thank you for your beautiful message! I am so happy that your yearning for filling, constant and so real was finally filled! That yearning is His and can only be filled by our King! Keep shining His light! Big happy yay!!
Anne SchenkFebruary 2, 2023 at 12:42 pm
Praise God for a wonderful testimony! God is so god to us!
DawnFebruary 2, 2023 at 5:06 pm
What a beautiful testimony. It makes me get teary eyed. I am so happy for you that you have given your heart to Jesus and found the peace you had been searching for. What a blessing! Not just for you, but your daughter as well!