ECHOES OF AN ANCHOR

My mother was always my anchor. She was my safe place where I never felt judged, and I could let it out and still be loved. Her death two years ago left my world in shambles.

She did her best to raise her boys to be good men, teaching us love, kindness and a work ethic. Through the years, my mother became my best friend; the one I could turn to for anything, who knew just what to say, when to listen, and when to set me straight.

I will never forget that call; my mother was gone. Falling into a sea of despair, blaming God for everything. Attempting to cope with her death and my personal affairs, I turned to alcohol. It slowly became a problem. As new parents, my wife and I were already struggling in our relationship, trying to figure out this new life. Alcohol added to our struggle, leading her to lash out, and I closed myself off.

I came home one evening after getting my “usual”, and woke up in a puddle of blood. My wife was on the phone getting help, my son was sitting there looking at me, and later I found out he was the one who witnessed it all.

That was it, I had to change. My family needed me, and I was letting them down. Recovery would be slow, but I went to counseling. After my feelings had settled, I began attending church with my family.

I realized my path was not one my mother would approve of. Attending church allows me to feel close to my mother. I have my moments, but I am no longer angry with God. I am grateful for my wife and her patience, and we are working through our differences.

I am also working to better myself. I don’t blame God; if anything, God saved me from myself. He saved my family. I don’t know if we would have made it if it weren’t for His unending love for us.

I am striving to build my relationship with Him and be the leader my family needs. I am building friendships with other men in church, seeking guidance from them on leading my family in God’s word. It gives me a sense of hope and peace, knowing I am doing what I can to make my mother proud.