OUR GOOD HEALING POWERFUL GOD

I didn’t feel like a mom.

I had seen my baby for what felt like two seconds. When I saw her again, she had lines and tubes coming out everywhere, and I couldn’t even see her face under the CPAP mask. It would be nine days before I could hold her. I felt sick. With my stomach scarred from the cesarean, and my hands raw from “scrubbing in” to see her, I felt like my body had failed.

My daughter was born at 28 weeks as a result of pre-eclampsia. We then spent 53 days in the NICU.

She was my third pregnancy, and my first baby to see earthside. I found myself asking God “why?” Why would motherhood be so painful for me? I had been faithful, so why wasn’t He?

But He was. And is. While we were in shock, He had planned it all along. Through my pain and my fear, He made Himself known.

Being a mom now doesn’t match the expectations I had. While other babies her age are saying their first words, we are thrilled when our girl comes up with a new type of grunt or babble. I know the technical terms for the way she holds things. I’ve had to re-learn math to fortify her breast milk. Though I had planned to go back to work, God made it clear that my daughter needed me to stay home. In His goodness, He grew my videography hobby into a thriving business, allowing me to bless others and meet my daughter’s needs at home.

She was born with holes in her heart, and we expected surgery soon. But when we visited our cardiologist recently, every problem was gone.

I remembered her positive pregnancy test. That night, I had stood up at a prayer meeting and asked for prayers. “God, let us bring this baby home.” My church did more. The elders surrounded me, each praying over a different part of her body and its development. And as my girl has shown me, God hears.

My daughter is a testament to what a good, healing, powerful God we serve. Watching her body develop outside of mine has shown me the perfect love in how He knits us together. Every day, He has shown me a pocket of hope. Reminders He is with us. He is still in control.

No matter what, He is still so good.