When I was entering the 9th grade, I went to a back-to-school party. It wasn’t a wild party at all. I remember getting a Coke and taking a couple sips a few minutes later. I didn’t know it at the time, but the drink was spiked with a drug. That was the last thing I remember.
My next memory is being back at my house, sitting alone on the back porch the next morning at 3:00 am. I had no idea how I got there. I went inside my house and went to sleep.
When I woke up the next morning, I still had no idea what had happened the night before. But I had intense pain between my thighs. I had issues when I went to the bathroom. This was a completely strange feeling, and since I was a virgin, my mind started to wonder whether something awful had taken place the night before.
I didn’t want to tell my mom. I was embarrassed. And the harder I tried, I just couldn’t remember a thing.
At that time in my life, I didn’t have a lot of close friends. So no one told me anything that had taken place.
Two months later, I had a bad pain in my stomach. My mom took me to the gynecologist. We didn’t know what might be causing the pain, so the doctor took an ultrasound.
And that’s when my life changed.
She announced that I was pregnant. I was just 15.
My mom was stunned. I was in shock. Adding to this, the gynecologist started calling me names and judging my character. My mom and I were both horrified at the doctor’s accusations, and we walked out, never to return to that doctor.
On the way home with my mom, I sat in complete silence. I couldn’t talk. My mind raced.
I sat on the couch all day long. Later that afternoon, my dad came home. He sat down right next to me and put his arm around me. He said, “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here to listen.” He just comforted me; he didn’t know what to say. Then, he prayed over me and asked the Lord for direction on what I should do. He was concerned that this would be too much for me to handle.
I was a girl that went to church every Sunday and attended Christian camps during summer vacations. I believed in Jesus and wanted to follow Him. But now, I found myself pregnant at 15. What was going on?
I knew I couldn’t go back to school, so I did the rest of my 9th grade year virtually.
I finally told my mom about that night at the party. My mom was devastated. And she was hurt that I hadn’t come to talk with her sooner.
I told her I didn’t want to tell Dad. He was so protective of me and I didn’t want him to act irrationally. So I didn’t want to tell him what had happened. And I didn’t until much later in life. But he and my mom were so supportive of me and just loved me unconditionally.
My dad meets with a number of Christian men each month. What I didn’t know was that a month earlier, his friend, Caleb, came up to my dad at one of his meetings and said, “My wife heard from the Lord that we are going to adopt a child and name him Luke.” And then a month later, Caleb came up to my dad and said, “The Lord spoke to me and said your daughter is pregnant and that we are going to adopt that baby boy and name him Luke.”
But my dad didn’t tell me that story. Not then.
A few weeks later, I found out I was carrying a baby boy. I never wanted to know who the father was. I never wanted to see “him” in my son. I thought I might feel hurt or angry when I looked at my son if I knew the identity of the father. And that would be unfair to my son. I never wanted to see anything bad in my son; only the good in him.
I struggled with what to do with the baby. I was totally overwhelmed. Abortion was never an option since I believed life began in the womb.
Halfway through my pregnancy, I decided I couldn’t keep him. I knew I couldn’t do this alone. At that time, I had so much resentment about what had happened. I didn’t want that resentment to be taken out on my child.
I told my parents I thought putting my son up for adoption was the best path. But I said I didn’t want to know who was adopting him until I was ready. I needed to process all this on my own and in my own timing.
While I was still pregnant, we arranged to do a private adoption. I let my mom and dad select the parents. They selected Sarah and Caleb, the man who had the dream about me being pregnant, well before I even knew.
Sarah and Caleb wrote me a letter saying how courageous I was and how grateful they were to be able to adopt this little boy. They also said that even though it was a private adoption, I’d always have their blessing to meet him and be part of his life.
They also wrote that they were going to name the baby, Luke.
They already had three kids: a boy and two girls. Their boy wrote me a letter, too, saying how happy he was that he would have a brother and that he wanted his baby brother to be as brave as I was.
When I went in for my 36-week checkup, the doctor determined that the baby wasn’t getting enough oxygen and that we needed to induce right away. I wasn’t prepared for this at all. But by the grace of God, my labor was amazingly easy and only lasted one hour.
My family was incredibly loving during my time in the hospital. My older sister and brother came into town for the delivery. They were so amazing and comforting.
Since I was doing virtual school and alone most of the time, my parents had gotten me a dog when we found out I was pregnant. I grew so close to my dog. So my dad had pictures blown up of the dog and put them up on the delivery room walls so she’d be “by my side” during my labor and hospital stay.
I chose not to see Luke after I delivered. I knew I wouldn’t be able to let him go if I saw him.
If you talk with any birth mom who has given up her child for adoption, they will tell you that there isn’t a day that goes by when they don’t think about their baby. And that was, and is, certainly the case with me.
Eighteen months passed, and I finally told my parents that I wanted to meet Luke. My parents called Sarah and Caleb, and we arranged to meet at a park so it wouldn’t be so stressful.
Our first meeting was so beautiful. Luke was absolutely adorable. He smiles and has eyes just like me. My love for him simply overflowed. It was a love I had never experienced.
I walked away that day knowing that Luke couldn’t have been in a better family. He fit in perfectly.
A lot has happened in the years since I first met my baby.
I’ve married, and my husband has an amazing connection with Luke. They even share the same birthday! We hang out and eat dinner with Luke and his family quite frequently. It’s a wonderful relationship.
Caleb and Sarah have always told Luke that he was adopted; that he was chosen.
This whole experience has totally strengthened my walk with the Lord.
Before the night I was drugged, I was hanging around people who did not follow Jesus, so I didn’t have a lot of close friends. I had drifted away from my Christian beliefs. But once I became pregnant, I actually got a lot more grounded and in touch with Jesus because I was away from those “friends”.
I didn’t talk to God much before I was pregnant. But once I found out I had a baby inside me, I couldn’t sleep very well, and found myself talking to God for hours in the middle of the night. I didn’t put my trust in God before, but I certainly do now.
Luke has also brought me purpose. I knew one day we’d meet, and I wanted to show him how God has loved me, and will love him, throughout the highs and lows of life.
I never thought such a horrible experience could ever turn out to be so good. Luke is a living example of God turning something bad into something beautiful.
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